Living My Reality. Not Pretending

It feels like it's been quite some time since I last had the inkling to come here and express myself here on My Empowering Miracle. It has been over two months since my last blog post.

I assure you that I am safe and that all is well. At the same time, it's time for me to be completely real and transparent, maybe more than I ever have before in my life.

You see: Growing up, I always loved to make people feel good, to inspire their spirit and raise their vibrations. Some things don't change. I still love to do that, in what seems like a completely different, yet similar way. But, I would place my needs and wants last. I would be the guy that wanted to make others feel loving and warm, yet deep down, I felt that I was unworthy of my own love and attention, that my own needs and wants didn't matter.

I was inspired to pen this new blog post after coming into contact with a beautiful soul named Cindy Turner, who has recently released her new book: Losing My Breath: From Loss To Transformation, in which she shares her journey after losing her 20-year-old daughter Chloe unexpectedly in an accident.

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Depending on wherever you may be on your own path, your higher self and soul may share with you early on in the interaction why you were meant to connect with that individual or at least give you a strong impression. All is took was me reading about a dozen or less pages of the book to find this passage:

"My therapists and spiritual guides kept my healthy and whole. I valued them for helping me to deepen my experience, while staying grounded in my life and for keeping me in check, making sure I was living my reality and not pretending."

So yes, I am a creator. I love to create. At the same time, I have to come clean and confess: I have been afraid to create and afraid to write over the past two months or so. I let the illusion of what was going on in "real life" try to take my focus away from doing what I love and enjoy. That. Stops. Now.

I incarnated here to be able to express my emotions, feel my feelings, and allow myself to express my vulnerability. It may have taken nearly 34 years to get to the point last summer, where I was ready and willing to begin doing that, when I chose to undergo chemotherapy as part of my healing.

I was stripped naked spiritually and was given the opportunity by the Universe to feel my pain, to begin loving myself on the deepest of levels, and beginning to co-create heartfelt conversations and relationships for the first time in my entire life. It does not get any more raw and vulnerable that two people sharing their journeys together in that kind of setting, how they came to that particular present moment, while holding the space for one another during a time of transformation, with an inner knowing that the best is yet to come, including the realization that I was already healed in God's eyes. It would only me a matter of time before I began to see and feel what he saw when I saw born 35 years ago: that I was whole and complete just how I was.

My teacher, my mentor, my guardian angel Wayne Dyer shares with us the following, a message that is even more profound now than when I first saw it: "Would you rather be right or happy?" Acknowledging my own mistakes and learning from them, forgiving myself and others, the releasing of any expectations of any kind, learning to love myself and others unconditionally, while not seeing myself as separate from God all have been instrumental in my own healing.

So, I thought I was brought down to my knees before. I thought that one could only be spiritually stripped naked once in a lifetime. I. Was. Wrong.

I had emotions and feelings that I still bottled up, that I had not let go of. Pain from previous relationships. Trauma from past lifetimes. And yes, I was also operating on a subconscious level, through old default programming, limited behaviors, and mindsets that were not even my own, but from generations long ago.

You see, for the majority of my adult life, until just about a month ago, I was operating my life from a perspective of "What's in it for me?" vs. "How may I serve?" I was placing the majority of my energies into acquiring and chasing, never feeling a sense of completeness as I was.

I took everything for granted. People. Relationships. Money. My own love. And most importantly, my connection with God and Spirit.

I was never happy. I felt that I was never enough. I felt I had to continue to prove myself. On some level, I felt that just "being me" wasn't going to cut it. I was that blinded by my ego.

 I was shown that I had to take full and compete responsibility for my life. I had to. That was part of the healing process. By owning the fact that I had created every experience, in one way or another, would be essential to me in taking my next steps forward, maybe the most important ones on my journey.

I was being granted the chance to make amends. To do everything a different way than I did before. "To walk down a different street," as Wayne Dyer refers to. It was shown to me that I needed to take full and complete responsibility for my life.

God, Spirit, my angels, and grandmother were helping me, brick by brick, to rebuild a foundation for my new life, one that would be based on unconditional love, integrity, respect, and compassion for all of humanity, a life that would be Spirit-run, a business that would be Spirit-driven, something that my soul had wanted, but the Earthly part of me thought would never be possible.

I took on a position as a part-time After School Teacher here in the Buffalo area for the summer. Instead of placing my full focus on the happiness and joy that I was beginning to feel for the first time in my entire life, my ego was giving me reasons why this couldn't work out out. How much (or "how little") I was making. The number of hours that it was "taking away" from my publicity and social media work. I was telling the Universe that I wanted out by the end of the summer, that I "didn't see myself there" before the end of August. Guess what: I was given my wish. About one month ago, I clipped the curb leaving my apartment parting lot, busting my tire. Thankfully, I was OK. But, I had to call into work. The next day, I received a phone call saying that it wasn't working out. For the first time in my life, I was fired from a job. Not voluntarily parted ways. But let go.

So, for close to three months, there was various experiences, blessings, and life lessons that were happening. That brought me to the point of a full surrender. Spiritually. Emotionally. Financially.

Things go have a way of working out when that happens, because you fully acknowledge that what you are facing is beyond your control. You give it all to God, Spirit, your angels, and your spiritual team to provide the best solutions. My friend Arron, whom I had worked with in collections for close to five years, assisted me, along with an angel named Guy, who came out of nowhere with the proper tools, in putting on the spare tire for my car. Before he Arron parted ways, he gave me a copy of the Bible. This time, I knew what was happening here. I could not scoff at this. This was God's way of showing me what to do.

I had spent so much time invested in worrying whether I was going to fail or succeed, controlling relationships, how much I was making/going to make, and being afraid of getting close to new people coming into my life, being afraid to let love in, and to receive anything that was attempting to flow my way. This. All of this. Could and would not survive in the new paradigm of my life.

So yes, my life had to crumble. That was merely what I knew. But what if, from this deconstruction, something even more beautiful could be born?

I was learning the importance of being grateful. For what I had in my life. A teacher who took her a lot of her time (for which I am eternally grateful for) showed me the significance of letting Spirit lead me to the next chapter of my life.

I have been following my inner guidance over the past two weeks, something that I am still getting used to. It actually feels really good. By doing this, several powerful shifts have happened within my life.

A friend of mine in Minnesota told me that Jai-Jagdeesh, the well-known singer, chanter, and yogi was coming to Unity of Buffalo, as part of her Revolutionary Love tour. Her chant, Et Ong Kar, had cracked me wide open to a level that I never felt, a chant that changed my life forever when I first heard it in May at the Hay House I Can Do It event in Toronto. I went to the event thinking it would be a concert. I was wrong. It was a Kundalini yoga get-together. I didn't bring a mat. The Universe was definitely bringing me out of my comfort zone. I could've run away. But I didn't. I stayed there. Picked up an extra mat. And went home for the first time in years. This was how I was going to be releasing what I was holding back. It was painful, but also energizing. It reminded me that anything is possible. That I am unlimited. That I am infinite. That I could finally release this. And that it wouldn't involve reading any more books, watching any more YouTube videos, speaking to any other gurus. It was simply a matter of feeling. Then releasing.

After the event was over with, I connected with Jai and set a powerful intention for the rest of my life, one that I know the Universe heard on that Full Moon evening, surrendering all end results and outcomes to Spirit, knowing and trusting that it would indeed turn out even more beautifully than I ever imagined.

I was guided back to go to Unity of Buffalo with members of my soul family last Wednesday for their International Day of Peace festivities, which included an evening prayer ceremony, a delicious pot luck dinner, walking the sacred labyrinth in their Peace Park, a night of theater, as well as closing the evening by signing John Lennon's Imagine. On this day, one year ago, I was here at Unity. One year after completing chemotherapy. Where I began to move forward. 365 days later, I was provided the opportunity to do the same, but this time, knowing and feeling the truth. Through the theater group that came into Unity that night, I learned that the pathway to peace was by being my authentic self. I was ready to now do that.

I had lived my life feeling that I would let people down. That I would offend someone. That by being myself, in some way, shape, or form, things wouldn't go "according to plan." But whose plan? My plan?

I have now since realized that whatever visions I have seen or felt for myself, if they are meant for the highest and greatest good of my soul, will indeed take physical form. Some already have begun to have. It is more important now for me to remain completely humble. For everyone and everything. Expecting nothing. Merely putting out energy of love wherever I go, placing my connection with God and Spirit first and letting everything else fall into place the way it's meant to happen.

I have seen and felt, just from the past several days, what you can see and feel when dropping your facade. What happens when you let love in. When you allow your heart to soften. When you let your guard down. When you surrender control. When you just. Show up. Know that whatever is presented to you that you are ready for. You can take the time to let your ego tell you that you aren't worthy. Or you can beat yourself up more. Or a combination of both. But honestly, what would that do?

Do I have all of the answers? Nope. Am I still rebuilding? Yes. And I'm not afraid to say that. I choose to acknowledge just how far that I've come vs. seeing myself as "broken," "shattered," or any other similar words. God doesn't see me as broken or shattered. So why should I? God is unlimited and infinite? So, why shouprofould I spend time believing any illusions that reflect the opposite.

I now choose to use my love, my power, along with my skills and my gifts that I was blessed with to empower humanity, not just myself. I choose to be grounded, balanced, and centered. I allow myself to give and receive. I allow myself to be happy and joyful, just for the sake of being happy and joyful. It's still a bit difficult at times for me to place myself first, especially by looking at the commitments and responsibilities that I have, but I trust that I am getting better by the day. My soul was always leading the way for me, and I strongly believe that that it is even more so now.

I am thankful for what has been shown to me over the past several months, especially the last few weeks. I simply place my faith, my trust, and my love in the hands of my grandmother, who has been watching over me since she made her transition a little over three years ago. She showed me that I would have miracles and wonders coming my way. She reaffirmed that last June. My Empowering Miracle does not have an expiration date. I have learned that My Empowering Miracle...is...me.

Sat Nam. Namaste.

My Empowering Miracle: One Year Later

One year ago, my entire life transformed. My grandmother revealed to me something she told me months prior: that miracles and wonders would be on their way. It may have come in an unexpected fashion, but My Empowering Miracle was revealed to me.

I always wanted to love myself, but I didn't feel I could ever feel that happiness and joy. Call it unworthiness, call it limited beliefs/old programming, call it the story that my family, for many generations, kept telling themselves, that I, in some way, felt was mine to carry.

I was always an emotional guy. But, I was afraid to truly be with my pain. I was afraid of expressing my emotions, especially to women. I was afraid of feeling my own feelings. And yes, I was afraid of being vulnerable. Petrified. A lot of this was unconscious, but was being brought up to the surface so that I could finally move on.

Over the past year, Babcia has blessed me with incredible angels on my path, whether it be personally or professionally, whether it be with someone whom I only had one conversation with or someone who became a dear friend and member of my soul family (once again). I cannot express enough the unconditional love, gratitude, and humility that I feel for all of you on my path, especially those who came into the equation from one year ago today to this very present moment.

I have experienced many blessings and life lessons along the way, regarding faith, trust, health, finances, family, worthiness, guilt, judgment, shame, abandonment, etc. This ogre had many layers, just like we all do. Whatever no longer served me, I had to let go. Before I would let the Universe do that for me. Now, I am choosing to do more of that myself, in co-creation with the Universe.

I was given the opportunity to reaffirm the perfect health that I always had, the love that I always was. There were illusions that came into the equation, which I could have easily bought in one way or another. From November onward, through daily spiritual practice, I instead chose to affirm that I am love, that I am the Universe, that I am perfect, whole, healthy, and complete. Babcia knew exactly what she was doing when she placed mirrors of that on my path: Robert Tremblay, James John Malaniak, Ken Jablonski, among many others.

My grandmother provided me with divine guidance one year ago, divine guidance that may be the biggest sign of faith and trust I may ever experience and feel in this lifetime. From that point on, based on what she told me, I had an inner knowing, one that has grown larger and larger, as I have chosen to take the next steps forward on my path of service to humanity. With what I have seen and felt, and with a full faith and trust in God, the Divine, and my higher self, I could not and would not go back. My purpose here is that important. My heart is so full of love. I knew I was being prepped for something amazing, experiences of love, happiness, and joy, would begin. It was merely up to me to make a simple decision: that I was worthy of being part of those experiences, feeling that love, happiness, and joy.

Many of you who have known me for a while know my soul's connection to Dr. Wayne Dyer. I was blessed to interview Serena Dyer and Skype Dyer on Soul Luminous Radio during the early years of my spiritual awakening. I felt a profound connection to his message, knowing in some way the work that I was meant to do was along the same scope and that I was placed here to help, heal, inspire, and serve countless souls, in a similar, yet different fashion to Wayne. I had seen me meeting Wayne at one point in time in this lifetime, in the physical realm. Unfortunately, that would not come to pass, as he transitioned last summer.

But, something quite beautiful happened when I was in Toronto, Ontario, Canada for the Hay House I Can Do It event at the Roy Thompson Hall, more of which I share in my new #HangoutsOnAir. I knew within me that this weekend was going to be transformative, but at the same time, I went into this weekend, for the first time in my entire life, truly detaching myself of all end results and outcomes of everything.

I had the pleasure of meeting Saje Dyer, one of Wayne's other beautiful and talented daughters. I had the opportunity to share with her a little bit about me, but more importantly to personally thank her and her entire family for the kind and loving man and the beautiful soul that was and will forever be her father, as well as to thank them for the work they continue to do for humanity. Saje asked me a question during the course of the conversation, and in that series of present moments, it felt like Wayne's presence was truly there. I was being given an opportunity to reaffirm not only how far that I've come, but also the direction that I am now choosing to walk in every day. Could I have chosen to look back and go that way? Yes. But, when one has walked the path that he/she has walked, your soul knows better than the collective ego.

So, just as I made that promise to Babcia one year ago today, that I've honored and believed in, I made a promise to Wayne in Toronto: that My Empowering Miracle is being written and is being shared with the world (and will be more so in divine timing), that I will utilize my journey not to replay the old, not to stay in a loop, but to help, heal, inspire, and serve others around the world who have gone through similar situations, so they know that through faith and hope that you can heal anything in your life, that I may be used as a vessel of service to humanity wherever I am called, and that I choose to remind myself daily of the love that I am, that the only two things I choose to have flow within me is love and forgiveness.

One year ago, the Universe gave me a clear sign: It told me "John: You can finally love and forgive yourself." For that, I am eternally grateful. And I know I will not let the Universe down. All I have to do is be myself, be love, and let the Divine do the rest. Babcia: I thank you. For everything. I know you will continue to guide me as I continue to move forward and make wonderful strides in my life.

I know, that in divine timing, my wife, son, and the family I create will be revealed. I know California will be calling, just as it's begun to do so ever so subtly. For now, I rest in the perfection that I am. That right now, on June 3, 2016, that everything...is...perfect.

Keep a spot in heaven reserved for me. But, there's still work to do down here, much fun to experience, and much more love to be and feel.

With all the love I possess. I remain yours God.

Your humble and loving son,
John

Unwavering Faith

There has been quite a lot that has been unfolding in my life over these past several weeks. I have been doing my part to release the need to place a label on anything and to be in a full state of observance and allowance during this time, while simultaneously sending love to every part of my being, including my ego. It's true: Sometimes loving yourself unconditionally can seem like a full-time job in itself. The "practice" may seem like work at times. It's worth it though. You are worth it. It is very important to give yourself that tenderness.

For many of us, the energies of March have seemed intense, beautiful, and a little bit of everything in between. No matter where you are on your own journey in this moment, it may even seem like your faith is being put into question. On the surface, it could look like God is throwing not only the kitchen sink at you right now, but also the microwave, the dishes, and pretty much everything else you could possibly find in your kitchen. It may look like you are being "tested" in several different ways: personally, professionally, financially, physically, and even spiritually. 

I recently had a dear friend of mine who was navigating her own experience during Eclipse Season. She asked me a question that I really had to let sink in for a bit. Normally, after years of conditioning, my response to someone's question before he/she completed their sentence. As I have humbly been learning the art of active listening, I not only wanted to respect her energies, as well as my own, but also let my soul process this deep question: "What is the key to your unwavering faith?"

Had I penned this blog one year ago or even just a few months ago, my reply from a space of victim consciousness. It would have come across like I was rattling off all the things that happened "to me" and how I "overcame" each and every one. Coming clean: I was addicted to drama...and I didn't even know it. I am very glad that I was willing to make a shift in this limited belief, which was a outdated multi-generational mindset. 

You see: It's very easy to see yourself as your "story." But, when you get to a point in your spiritual awakening that you realize you are not your "story," that you are not your thoughts, your words, your actions, your acquisitions, your achievements, your titles, the money you have, your following on social media, and a laundry list of other things your ego wants you to think you are, your life as you know it changes...it takes on a new meaning. As Wayne Dyer says so beautifully: "If you change the way you look at things, the things you see change." The way you look at faith can transform. My perspective did.

So, I asked myself that very question: "John, what is the key to your unwavering faith?" 

Nearly 10 months ago to the day where my empowering miracle was revealed, I found myself at the cemetery where my grandmother and grandfather were buried, right across the street where life-altering news was revealed to me. My soul knew right where to go. It always does. While holding onto their tombstone, I looked up to heaven, and surrendered everything. I felt the presence of my grandmother, maybe more than anytime when she was here in the physical realm. I heard the following words from Spirit: "Your life is not in danger. Your health is not at risk. You are going to have the greatest health in your life. Your finances will be taken care of. And your medical bills will be taken care of." That was divine guidance. Guidance that I could not question or overthink.

Now, there's a difference between saying you are going to surrender and being in the surrender itself. Over those 10 months, there have been dozens of times when things, on the surface, looked quite interesting. As Hay House's Mike Dooley refers to "the cursed hows." How would this be taken care of? How would that be taken care of. Sprinkle in the aforementioned victim consciousness and it's favorite word "Why?" Why this? What that? Why now?

I had known that my body and soul were merging together, after the profound soul growth I had experienced over the past five years. I had also begun to see glimpses of my future, including that of my family (my significant other and my son), living in California, international speaking and teaching, in addition to helping humanity around the world. 

After seeing so much and after becoming more in tune with my own emotions, feelings, and vulnerability, along with those I came in contact with, I knew there was more to my life and for my life. It was simply a matter of trusting the process, knowing that I was fully guided and supported, and acknowledging the love that I was, am, and will forever be, that very same love that surrounds me at all times. It was a matter of trust.  

You see, it all begins with positive words. But, without an emotion, a belief in those words, those are just words. When you have a passion in those words, then those very positive words transform to hope, the next component. When you believe in yourself enough, when you believe in the truth that you are destined for so much more, while knowing God and your angels have your back, that hope morphs into faith. Faith is powerful. One of the most poignant references from the Bible refers to being able to move mountains by having faith as small as a mustard seed. 

It had taken me several years. I long since had the positive words, but just didn't believe in myself, in my own unconditional love. I found that by reconnecting with God, by turning inward to my inner child, and by uniting with the power of intention. The hope followed. Then, the faith. On June 3, 2015, I was provided an inner knowing from the divine. 

Over the past year, I observed. I watched. I can admit, sometimes I threw myself off track. I got in my own way. I wanted to control. I began realizing those old default mechanisms wouldn't work anymore. I even learned that it's necessary to "surrender within the surrender." By releasing how I wanted things to happen, by letting go of my fear, one thing at a time managed to work itself out, many of those things even better than I expected. 

Whether you are religious, spiritual, a combination of both, or neither, there's a common thread among each one of us, as we navigate our own path: Everything always works out. It always does. Maybe not the way you "drew it up." But, things always work out. 

I could've included any/all of this in my response to my friend's question...and then some. However, one of the most amazing things that I have recently learned on my journey is that less really is more, a huge shift in what I had previously believed. That the answers you are seeking are indeed found in the sounds of silence. And that some things are best felt vs. said. 

"John, what is the key to your unwavering faith?" 

"I'm...still...here."

With all the love I possess, I remain yours God.

Your humble and loving son,
John