Great Expectations: No Expectations

I am not the same person that I was from when I penned my last blog post to now.

On the surface, it may look like one month or so has passed. In truth, it has felt like years, if not generations or millenia, of soul growth. Much clearing out and even more coming in. The downloads. The energy. The raising of my vibration. The tapping into the collective. Choosing to be tapped into my divine guidance. And surrendering. Everyone. And everything. Welcome to the next wave!

Over the course of the past several weeks, there have been a series of divinely orchestrated events that have taken place in my life, all of which I have been blessed for, more than words can describe. It has felt, in many ways, that God, Spirit and my higher self have been guiding me to these destinations, which have come in the form of new relationships, opportunities to serve humanity, and connecting to the truth of who I am.

Earlier this summer, when I was blessed to work as an after-school teacher here in the Buffalo area, I remember hearing the song A Whole New World playing on one of the televisions, as the kids were watching Disney's Aladdin. My soul told me that that time was coming. It was almost an anthem that the Universe was playing for me, allowing me to feel and hear the energies of what was to come for not only just me, but for the Divine.

Fast forward about one month ago. I surrendered myself freely (yes, a surrender within the surrender, within the surrender). This is when things began to shift, maybe more than they ever have before, when my higher self, Spirit, and God took the reigns. You know when that's happening when you are completely outside of your comfort zone, where you are trust completely, and you not only listening to your divine guidance, but you are also following through with action on what is being told to you.

I was told by a dear friend of mine in Minnesota to go see Jai Jagdeesh at Unity of Buffalo. Seeing as Jai's chant Et Ong Kar had cracked my heart open at the Hay House I Can Do It event earlier this spring, to a level of love and understanding that I had not experienced before, I figured this would be a wonderful opportunity to say "thank you" in person. I also had seen Unity of Buffalo being a possible backdrop of where some of my service work for humanity would be taking place. I knew I had to be there. Despite what my five senses wanted me to believe, despite what my external environment may have wanted me to think, I was being called.

I go to Unity, and it turns out the event was not a concert, which I had thought it would be. It was a night of chanting (which I was completely up for) and Kundalini Yoga (which I had stopped doing a while back, out of fears that I had about "not being able to hold myself in alignment). Throughout the evening, there were powerful intentions that were being sent out into the Universe, with La Luna still appearing in the skies above. I knew that the entire course of my life was now shifting. I began to realize just how powerful of a manifestor that I was, and the time was here to use those gifts for the highest and greatest good.

Now, I can admit: I am a recovering people-pleaser. I had an addiction to wanting attention from other people. I know that those things are in the process of being dissolved and being healed. The reason I say this is because I brought a few business cards with me. You know when you go to a networking event, you never know who you might meet. I came from the perspective before of judging myself silently in many things that I did, even if the intention behind it was pure and sincere. You can turn anything into a judgment if you want to. So, I was blessed to meet several gentle souls that evening, exchanging contact information with several, including one who was placed to the left of me on a yoga mat.

Within a matter of a few days, I found myself in some of those very unique settings that I had never experienced before or in some time: being in a park with someone other myself, enjoying the company of like-minded souls at a delicious raw food potluck, being at a group meditation and hands-on healing, a two-hour silent meditation, and more. Yes, there were several new angels that my grandmother had placed into my life, at a time where they were indeed needed. Divine timing times infinity.

I was beginning to feel unconditional love. Truly for the first time in my entire life. I was beginning to place my energies on people, not on profit. I was beginning to detach myself from all end results and outcomes. Borrowing the word from that one beautiful soul, I was learning to "float." To be grounded, focused, and centered in the present moment. And yes, to not be attached to anything or anyone.

As I was learning through Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, Wayne Dyer teaches us through his studies of the Tao Te Ching to not focus on accumulating things. To realize that, in truth, we do not own anything. We do not own anyone. We are, more or less, here on loan from God and Spirit.

So yes, I came from a perspective not that long ago of attaching myself to anything and everything that felt good. In turn, that created much pain in my life. I know was comprehending that if we do not attach ourselves to a specific end result or something, that we save ourselves much pain and suffering, and also, we allow things and people that are in more of an alignment with us to come into our lives.

During these several weeks, I became confused at the same point. When you experience things for the first time ever or for the first time in a while, you tend to overthink things. Yes, I did that too. A lot. Instead of being in your heart, you tend to be in your head. Wondering how this and that will be turning out. Hoping it will turn out "the way that you want to." This normally occurs in relationships, which are our greatest teachers.

Babcia had told me that I would be having a son at some point on my path. The energies from that began shortly after her passing in 2013. And they have been getting stronger and stronger since that point. I was beginning to think that maybe the divine timing of that was now. The way I was interpreting things, the signs I was receiving, were validating that.

Last Sunday, after the silent meditation, I was asked by one of those angels if my needs were being met. Part of me actually wanted to say no, but I stuffed that feeling down temporarily. Yes, suppressing my emotions and feelings were par for the course as well from before as well. This was again asked to me Thursday night after my Walking Each Other Home Meetup Group at the Lancaster Library. Shortly after that and into this weekend, I realized this is something that was coming up for healing. It could not be ignored.

When you lead a life of putting other people first, before your very own needs, your soul will let you know clearly that is something that cannot and will not be tolerated anymore. With the energies of the next wave of the awakening, going back to the before is not an option. Everyone else's needs were being met regularly. Not mine. And my life was continuing to mirror that. So, with awareness, I spent time with my inner child, nurturing it, and healing a deep emotional wound that was in play for about 30 years of my life, which had shattered my trust, instilling doubt within me. I am grateful that my inner child is now happier and that healing has very much begun happening from that.

You might be wondering why is the title of this blog Great Expectations: No Expectations. A little spiritual humor if I may: Well, wouldn't it have been funny if Charles Dickens called his timeless classic with that title instead?

It speaks for itself: When you live your life in a space of ZERO expectations, only the greatest things can happen to you, because you are not anticipating a specific thing to happen. And yes, even when I started to begin being in the flow, being in the vortex (as Esther Hicks and Abraham talk about), I was still hoping for certain things to happen. And when I didn't understand something, I began to ponder, and when I began to ponder, I began to try to control. You can see why this was causing some discomfort and fogginess over the past few weeks.

So here's what I do know (in no particular order): #1: I am loving and trusting myself today more than yesterday. #2: I am more aware and stronger than I was yesterday. #3: I am a host to God. #4: Time has begun to expand for me. Time is on my side. #5: I am asking to be tuned into my internal guidance and that of God, Spirit, and my angels more each and every day. #6: I am asking my grandmother to show me whom to serve, how to serve, where to serve, and when to serve. #7: I am safe. All is well. #8: The worst is behind me. #9: I am divinely supported. #10: I am now prosperous, wealthy, and abundant. #11: I am perfect, whole, healthy, and complete just the way I am.

While at the same time, I can also truly resonate with that the words of the beloved spiritual teacher Nisargadatta Maharaj: "Love says 'I am everything.' Wisdom says I am nothing.' Between the two, my life flows." 

This may sound like a list of affirmations. There may be truth to that. However, you know that you are making immense progress when you stop judging yourself and begin loving yourself, when you acknowledge how far you have gone, how much growth you have had, and be proud of the direction that you are going. When this happens, life becomes easier for you. You begin to own your worth. And believe it. You put an end to the struggle. A period at the end of the sentence. You break up with your emotional pain body. You realize you cannot play small anymore. That it's time to fly. And as my dear teacher, mentor, and friend, Anita Moorjani, says: "You begin to live your life fearlessly."

So I know that my higher self is leading the way, because I now choose the timeline that is for the highest and greatest good of my soul. I know and trust that all happen when and where it will, because all will be seamless. It's a pretty good feeling, knowing that even though I released power and control of my life to my grandmother, Spirit, and God, that I do have their power flowing through me, through the co-creation that I am choosing.

I am forever grateful to that one beautiful soul, that Earth Angel from above. For being my mirror. To show me that I am unconditional love. That love does not lie outside of me. It lies within me. That I am worthy of this love being felt in each and every relationship in my life. For reminding me that I am brave. That I am courageous. That I have such powerful love to give myself and to humanity. For reminding me of who I was. For helping to walk me home. For this and for much more, I say "Thank you teacher."

I've been telling myself that the best part of My Empowering Miracle is happening right now. In this very moment. I know that I am not giving up now, because the best is yet to come. Why would I throw in the towel now when some of the most memorable moments of my life have yet to happen Including my son. who knows that I am getting my sh*t together.

Uncle Ben from Spider-Man said: "With great power comes great responsibility." I know that my mission will require that. With that being said, I continue to remain grounded, grateful, and humble for all. For every interaction. Every experience. Every breath of life. In the words of Wayne Dyer and the Tao Te Ching, I choose to lay low. I choose to trust. And to believe.

My heart is now more open than it ever has been before. When that happens, you can allow yourself to receive more than ever thought imaginable. I choose for this next wave of the awakening to be on my side.

Join me in staying in Earth School for a little bit longer. And the next time you see Great Expectations in your local library or bookstore, smile. It's the Universe's way of reminding that the best expectations are when you have none.

Sat Nam. Namaste.

Living My Reality. Not Pretending

It feels like it's been quite some time since I last had the inkling to come here and express myself here on My Empowering Miracle. It has been over two months since my last blog post.

I assure you that I am safe and that all is well. At the same time, it's time for me to be completely real and transparent, maybe more than I ever have before in my life.

You see: Growing up, I always loved to make people feel good, to inspire their spirit and raise their vibrations. Some things don't change. I still love to do that, in what seems like a completely different, yet similar way. But, I would place my needs and wants last. I would be the guy that wanted to make others feel loving and warm, yet deep down, I felt that I was unworthy of my own love and attention, that my own needs and wants didn't matter.

I was inspired to pen this new blog post after coming into contact with a beautiful soul named Cindy Turner, who has recently released her new book: Losing My Breath: From Loss To Transformation, in which she shares her journey after losing her 20-year-old daughter Chloe unexpectedly in an accident.

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Depending on wherever you may be on your own path, your higher self and soul may share with you early on in the interaction why you were meant to connect with that individual or at least give you a strong impression. All is took was me reading about a dozen or less pages of the book to find this passage:

"My therapists and spiritual guides kept my healthy and whole. I valued them for helping me to deepen my experience, while staying grounded in my life and for keeping me in check, making sure I was living my reality and not pretending."

So yes, I am a creator. I love to create. At the same time, I have to come clean and confess: I have been afraid to create and afraid to write over the past two months or so. I let the illusion of what was going on in "real life" try to take my focus away from doing what I love and enjoy. That. Stops. Now.

I incarnated here to be able to express my emotions, feel my feelings, and allow myself to express my vulnerability. It may have taken nearly 34 years to get to the point last summer, where I was ready and willing to begin doing that, when I chose to undergo chemotherapy as part of my healing.

I was stripped naked spiritually and was given the opportunity by the Universe to feel my pain, to begin loving myself on the deepest of levels, and beginning to co-create heartfelt conversations and relationships for the first time in my entire life. It does not get any more raw and vulnerable that two people sharing their journeys together in that kind of setting, how they came to that particular present moment, while holding the space for one another during a time of transformation, with an inner knowing that the best is yet to come, including the realization that I was already healed in God's eyes. It would only me a matter of time before I began to see and feel what he saw when I saw born 35 years ago: that I was whole and complete just how I was.

My teacher, my mentor, my guardian angel Wayne Dyer shares with us the following, a message that is even more profound now than when I first saw it: "Would you rather be right or happy?" Acknowledging my own mistakes and learning from them, forgiving myself and others, the releasing of any expectations of any kind, learning to love myself and others unconditionally, while not seeing myself as separate from God all have been instrumental in my own healing.

So, I thought I was brought down to my knees before. I thought that one could only be spiritually stripped naked once in a lifetime. I. Was. Wrong.

I had emotions and feelings that I still bottled up, that I had not let go of. Pain from previous relationships. Trauma from past lifetimes. And yes, I was also operating on a subconscious level, through old default programming, limited behaviors, and mindsets that were not even my own, but from generations long ago.

You see, for the majority of my adult life, until just about a month ago, I was operating my life from a perspective of "What's in it for me?" vs. "How may I serve?" I was placing the majority of my energies into acquiring and chasing, never feeling a sense of completeness as I was.

I took everything for granted. People. Relationships. Money. My own love. And most importantly, my connection with God and Spirit.

I was never happy. I felt that I was never enough. I felt I had to continue to prove myself. On some level, I felt that just "being me" wasn't going to cut it. I was that blinded by my ego.

 I was shown that I had to take full and compete responsibility for my life. I had to. That was part of the healing process. By owning the fact that I had created every experience, in one way or another, would be essential to me in taking my next steps forward, maybe the most important ones on my journey.

I was being granted the chance to make amends. To do everything a different way than I did before. "To walk down a different street," as Wayne Dyer refers to. It was shown to me that I needed to take full and complete responsibility for my life.

God, Spirit, my angels, and grandmother were helping me, brick by brick, to rebuild a foundation for my new life, one that would be based on unconditional love, integrity, respect, and compassion for all of humanity, a life that would be Spirit-run, a business that would be Spirit-driven, something that my soul had wanted, but the Earthly part of me thought would never be possible.

I took on a position as a part-time After School Teacher here in the Buffalo area for the summer. Instead of placing my full focus on the happiness and joy that I was beginning to feel for the first time in my entire life, my ego was giving me reasons why this couldn't work out out. How much (or "how little") I was making. The number of hours that it was "taking away" from my publicity and social media work. I was telling the Universe that I wanted out by the end of the summer, that I "didn't see myself there" before the end of August. Guess what: I was given my wish. About one month ago, I clipped the curb leaving my apartment parting lot, busting my tire. Thankfully, I was OK. But, I had to call into work. The next day, I received a phone call saying that it wasn't working out. For the first time in my life, I was fired from a job. Not voluntarily parted ways. But let go.

So, for close to three months, there was various experiences, blessings, and life lessons that were happening. That brought me to the point of a full surrender. Spiritually. Emotionally. Financially.

Things go have a way of working out when that happens, because you fully acknowledge that what you are facing is beyond your control. You give it all to God, Spirit, your angels, and your spiritual team to provide the best solutions. My friend Arron, whom I had worked with in collections for close to five years, assisted me, along with an angel named Guy, who came out of nowhere with the proper tools, in putting on the spare tire for my car. Before he Arron parted ways, he gave me a copy of the Bible. This time, I knew what was happening here. I could not scoff at this. This was God's way of showing me what to do.

I had spent so much time invested in worrying whether I was going to fail or succeed, controlling relationships, how much I was making/going to make, and being afraid of getting close to new people coming into my life, being afraid to let love in, and to receive anything that was attempting to flow my way. This. All of this. Could and would not survive in the new paradigm of my life.

So yes, my life had to crumble. That was merely what I knew. But what if, from this deconstruction, something even more beautiful could be born?

I was learning the importance of being grateful. For what I had in my life. A teacher who took her a lot of her time (for which I am eternally grateful for) showed me the significance of letting Spirit lead me to the next chapter of my life.

I have been following my inner guidance over the past two weeks, something that I am still getting used to. It actually feels really good. By doing this, several powerful shifts have happened within my life.

A friend of mine in Minnesota told me that Jai-Jagdeesh, the well-known singer, chanter, and yogi was coming to Unity of Buffalo, as part of her Revolutionary Love tour. Her chant, Et Ong Kar, had cracked me wide open to a level that I never felt, a chant that changed my life forever when I first heard it in May at the Hay House I Can Do It event in Toronto. I went to the event thinking it would be a concert. I was wrong. It was a Kundalini yoga get-together. I didn't bring a mat. The Universe was definitely bringing me out of my comfort zone. I could've run away. But I didn't. I stayed there. Picked up an extra mat. And went home for the first time in years. This was how I was going to be releasing what I was holding back. It was painful, but also energizing. It reminded me that anything is possible. That I am unlimited. That I am infinite. That I could finally release this. And that it wouldn't involve reading any more books, watching any more YouTube videos, speaking to any other gurus. It was simply a matter of feeling. Then releasing.

After the event was over with, I connected with Jai and set a powerful intention for the rest of my life, one that I know the Universe heard on that Full Moon evening, surrendering all end results and outcomes to Spirit, knowing and trusting that it would indeed turn out even more beautifully than I ever imagined.

I was guided back to go to Unity of Buffalo with members of my soul family last Wednesday for their International Day of Peace festivities, which included an evening prayer ceremony, a delicious pot luck dinner, walking the sacred labyrinth in their Peace Park, a night of theater, as well as closing the evening by signing John Lennon's Imagine. On this day, one year ago, I was here at Unity. One year after completing chemotherapy. Where I began to move forward. 365 days later, I was provided the opportunity to do the same, but this time, knowing and feeling the truth. Through the theater group that came into Unity that night, I learned that the pathway to peace was by being my authentic self. I was ready to now do that.

I had lived my life feeling that I would let people down. That I would offend someone. That by being myself, in some way, shape, or form, things wouldn't go "according to plan." But whose plan? My plan?

I have now since realized that whatever visions I have seen or felt for myself, if they are meant for the highest and greatest good of my soul, will indeed take physical form. Some already have begun to have. It is more important now for me to remain completely humble. For everyone and everything. Expecting nothing. Merely putting out energy of love wherever I go, placing my connection with God and Spirit first and letting everything else fall into place the way it's meant to happen.

I have seen and felt, just from the past several days, what you can see and feel when dropping your facade. What happens when you let love in. When you allow your heart to soften. When you let your guard down. When you surrender control. When you just. Show up. Know that whatever is presented to you that you are ready for. You can take the time to let your ego tell you that you aren't worthy. Or you can beat yourself up more. Or a combination of both. But honestly, what would that do?

Do I have all of the answers? Nope. Am I still rebuilding? Yes. And I'm not afraid to say that. I choose to acknowledge just how far that I've come vs. seeing myself as "broken," "shattered," or any other similar words. God doesn't see me as broken or shattered. So why should I? God is unlimited and infinite? So, why shouprofould I spend time believing any illusions that reflect the opposite.

I now choose to use my love, my power, along with my skills and my gifts that I was blessed with to empower humanity, not just myself. I choose to be grounded, balanced, and centered. I allow myself to give and receive. I allow myself to be happy and joyful, just for the sake of being happy and joyful. It's still a bit difficult at times for me to place myself first, especially by looking at the commitments and responsibilities that I have, but I trust that I am getting better by the day. My soul was always leading the way for me, and I strongly believe that that it is even more so now.

I am thankful for what has been shown to me over the past several months, especially the last few weeks. I simply place my faith, my trust, and my love in the hands of my grandmother, who has been watching over me since she made her transition a little over three years ago. She showed me that I would have miracles and wonders coming my way. She reaffirmed that last June. My Empowering Miracle does not have an expiration date. I have learned that My Empowering Miracle...is...me.

Sat Nam. Namaste.