Great Expectations: No Expectations

I am not the same person that I was from when I penned my last blog post to now.

On the surface, it may look like one month or so has passed. In truth, it has felt like years, if not generations or millenia, of soul growth. Much clearing out and even more coming in. The downloads. The energy. The raising of my vibration. The tapping into the collective. Choosing to be tapped into my divine guidance. And surrendering. Everyone. And everything. Welcome to the next wave!

Over the course of the past several weeks, there have been a series of divinely orchestrated events that have taken place in my life, all of which I have been blessed for, more than words can describe. It has felt, in many ways, that God, Spirit and my higher self have been guiding me to these destinations, which have come in the form of new relationships, opportunities to serve humanity, and connecting to the truth of who I am.

Earlier this summer, when I was blessed to work as an after-school teacher here in the Buffalo area, I remember hearing the song A Whole New World playing on one of the televisions, as the kids were watching Disney's Aladdin. My soul told me that that time was coming. It was almost an anthem that the Universe was playing for me, allowing me to feel and hear the energies of what was to come for not only just me, but for the Divine.

Fast forward about one month ago. I surrendered myself freely (yes, a surrender within the surrender, within the surrender). This is when things began to shift, maybe more than they ever have before, when my higher self, Spirit, and God took the reigns. You know when that's happening when you are completely outside of your comfort zone, where you are trust completely, and you not only listening to your divine guidance, but you are also following through with action on what is being told to you.

I was told by a dear friend of mine in Minnesota to go see Jai Jagdeesh at Unity of Buffalo. Seeing as Jai's chant Et Ong Kar had cracked my heart open at the Hay House I Can Do It event earlier this spring, to a level of love and understanding that I had not experienced before, I figured this would be a wonderful opportunity to say "thank you" in person. I also had seen Unity of Buffalo being a possible backdrop of where some of my service work for humanity would be taking place. I knew I had to be there. Despite what my five senses wanted me to believe, despite what my external environment may have wanted me to think, I was being called.

I go to Unity, and it turns out the event was not a concert, which I had thought it would be. It was a night of chanting (which I was completely up for) and Kundalini Yoga (which I had stopped doing a while back, out of fears that I had about "not being able to hold myself in alignment). Throughout the evening, there were powerful intentions that were being sent out into the Universe, with La Luna still appearing in the skies above. I knew that the entire course of my life was now shifting. I began to realize just how powerful of a manifestor that I was, and the time was here to use those gifts for the highest and greatest good.

Now, I can admit: I am a recovering people-pleaser. I had an addiction to wanting attention from other people. I know that those things are in the process of being dissolved and being healed. The reason I say this is because I brought a few business cards with me. You know when you go to a networking event, you never know who you might meet. I came from the perspective before of judging myself silently in many things that I did, even if the intention behind it was pure and sincere. You can turn anything into a judgment if you want to. So, I was blessed to meet several gentle souls that evening, exchanging contact information with several, including one who was placed to the left of me on a yoga mat.

Within a matter of a few days, I found myself in some of those very unique settings that I had never experienced before or in some time: being in a park with someone other myself, enjoying the company of like-minded souls at a delicious raw food potluck, being at a group meditation and hands-on healing, a two-hour silent meditation, and more. Yes, there were several new angels that my grandmother had placed into my life, at a time where they were indeed needed. Divine timing times infinity.

I was beginning to feel unconditional love. Truly for the first time in my entire life. I was beginning to place my energies on people, not on profit. I was beginning to detach myself from all end results and outcomes. Borrowing the word from that one beautiful soul, I was learning to "float." To be grounded, focused, and centered in the present moment. And yes, to not be attached to anything or anyone.

As I was learning through Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, Wayne Dyer teaches us through his studies of the Tao Te Ching to not focus on accumulating things. To realize that, in truth, we do not own anything. We do not own anyone. We are, more or less, here on loan from God and Spirit.

So yes, I came from a perspective not that long ago of attaching myself to anything and everything that felt good. In turn, that created much pain in my life. I know was comprehending that if we do not attach ourselves to a specific end result or something, that we save ourselves much pain and suffering, and also, we allow things and people that are in more of an alignment with us to come into our lives.

During these several weeks, I became confused at the same point. When you experience things for the first time ever or for the first time in a while, you tend to overthink things. Yes, I did that too. A lot. Instead of being in your heart, you tend to be in your head. Wondering how this and that will be turning out. Hoping it will turn out "the way that you want to." This normally occurs in relationships, which are our greatest teachers.

Babcia had told me that I would be having a son at some point on my path. The energies from that began shortly after her passing in 2013. And they have been getting stronger and stronger since that point. I was beginning to think that maybe the divine timing of that was now. The way I was interpreting things, the signs I was receiving, were validating that.

Last Sunday, after the silent meditation, I was asked by one of those angels if my needs were being met. Part of me actually wanted to say no, but I stuffed that feeling down temporarily. Yes, suppressing my emotions and feelings were par for the course as well from before as well. This was again asked to me Thursday night after my Walking Each Other Home Meetup Group at the Lancaster Library. Shortly after that and into this weekend, I realized this is something that was coming up for healing. It could not be ignored.

When you lead a life of putting other people first, before your very own needs, your soul will let you know clearly that is something that cannot and will not be tolerated anymore. With the energies of the next wave of the awakening, going back to the before is not an option. Everyone else's needs were being met regularly. Not mine. And my life was continuing to mirror that. So, with awareness, I spent time with my inner child, nurturing it, and healing a deep emotional wound that was in play for about 30 years of my life, which had shattered my trust, instilling doubt within me. I am grateful that my inner child is now happier and that healing has very much begun happening from that.

You might be wondering why is the title of this blog Great Expectations: No Expectations. A little spiritual humor if I may: Well, wouldn't it have been funny if Charles Dickens called his timeless classic with that title instead?

It speaks for itself: When you live your life in a space of ZERO expectations, only the greatest things can happen to you, because you are not anticipating a specific thing to happen. And yes, even when I started to begin being in the flow, being in the vortex (as Esther Hicks and Abraham talk about), I was still hoping for certain things to happen. And when I didn't understand something, I began to ponder, and when I began to ponder, I began to try to control. You can see why this was causing some discomfort and fogginess over the past few weeks.

So here's what I do know (in no particular order): #1: I am loving and trusting myself today more than yesterday. #2: I am more aware and stronger than I was yesterday. #3: I am a host to God. #4: Time has begun to expand for me. Time is on my side. #5: I am asking to be tuned into my internal guidance and that of God, Spirit, and my angels more each and every day. #6: I am asking my grandmother to show me whom to serve, how to serve, where to serve, and when to serve. #7: I am safe. All is well. #8: The worst is behind me. #9: I am divinely supported. #10: I am now prosperous, wealthy, and abundant. #11: I am perfect, whole, healthy, and complete just the way I am.

While at the same time, I can also truly resonate with that the words of the beloved spiritual teacher Nisargadatta Maharaj: "Love says 'I am everything.' Wisdom says I am nothing.' Between the two, my life flows." 

This may sound like a list of affirmations. There may be truth to that. However, you know that you are making immense progress when you stop judging yourself and begin loving yourself, when you acknowledge how far you have gone, how much growth you have had, and be proud of the direction that you are going. When this happens, life becomes easier for you. You begin to own your worth. And believe it. You put an end to the struggle. A period at the end of the sentence. You break up with your emotional pain body. You realize you cannot play small anymore. That it's time to fly. And as my dear teacher, mentor, and friend, Anita Moorjani, says: "You begin to live your life fearlessly."

So I know that my higher self is leading the way, because I now choose the timeline that is for the highest and greatest good of my soul. I know and trust that all happen when and where it will, because all will be seamless. It's a pretty good feeling, knowing that even though I released power and control of my life to my grandmother, Spirit, and God, that I do have their power flowing through me, through the co-creation that I am choosing.

I am forever grateful to that one beautiful soul, that Earth Angel from above. For being my mirror. To show me that I am unconditional love. That love does not lie outside of me. It lies within me. That I am worthy of this love being felt in each and every relationship in my life. For reminding me that I am brave. That I am courageous. That I have such powerful love to give myself and to humanity. For reminding me of who I was. For helping to walk me home. For this and for much more, I say "Thank you teacher."

I've been telling myself that the best part of My Empowering Miracle is happening right now. In this very moment. I know that I am not giving up now, because the best is yet to come. Why would I throw in the towel now when some of the most memorable moments of my life have yet to happen Including my son. who knows that I am getting my sh*t together.

Uncle Ben from Spider-Man said: "With great power comes great responsibility." I know that my mission will require that. With that being said, I continue to remain grounded, grateful, and humble for all. For every interaction. Every experience. Every breath of life. In the words of Wayne Dyer and the Tao Te Ching, I choose to lay low. I choose to trust. And to believe.

My heart is now more open than it ever has been before. When that happens, you can allow yourself to receive more than ever thought imaginable. I choose for this next wave of the awakening to be on my side.

Join me in staying in Earth School for a little bit longer. And the next time you see Great Expectations in your local library or bookstore, smile. It's the Universe's way of reminding that the best expectations are when you have none.

Sat Nam. Namaste.